The combined effects of Rain on Pollution, Gravity and Commonsense
It’s raining, again, and through empirically derived results we see once again that rain enhances stupidity. Although the subjects for analysis are based locally, the same laws will probably apply anywhere in the world to greater or lesser degrees, although I lay wager it’s mostly lesser. Now, although I say ‘empirically derived’, it’s just a nice word I like to use and I’m sure being the smart arsed, picky people that you are, you will want some sort of Sinocidal, Irrationally derived theorem. Well, here you have it.
Firstly we have the subjects, in no particular order. Most times they are selfish, self-centered and tunnel visioned with a touch of arrogance and everyone-else, cyclists, motorcyclists, car/bus/truck drivers and road sweepers with and without carts.
Secondly we have gravity. It keeps all the shit close to the ground. Everything has gravity and everything attracts everything else. The larger the mass of shit, the stronger the gravitational effects. Where I live, I’m sure we have more gravity that many other places as we sure do have a lot of shit.
Thirdly we have the pollution. Not as much as some places but a lot worse than most. On a bad day when someone farts, you can see air swirl in the nether regions. Girls with particularly air-tight stockings tend to look like they have lumpy hamstrings and knees, but that’s a story that LaoLao will tell us one day.
Now, humans need air and in particular oxygen, to function properly. Dilute or reduce the oxygen and people start to act drunk and their judgments, actions and speech are impaired. When we have high levels of pollution, we have everyday life in China – havoc with lots (and lots and lots and lots) of people walking, riding or driving about like drunks. HAVOC –Harmful And Volatile Occurring in China.
We have an open system controlled by, yet trying it’s damnest to defy, the laws of physics, especially the 2nd law of thermodynamics – but we don’t want to get too deep into that. As for the law of biogenesis – well, feel free to contemplate that at your leisure, but it’ll drive you crazy as you sit next to a pond and compare pond ‘life’ to, well, life in general.
All goes along smoothly, no doubt conforming to and constrained by some sort of laws and theories. The chaos theory fits nicely in here as well methinks. CHAOS – China Has Always had Organised Shambles.
Then, we add some external stimulus – and all Hell breaks loose. Rain – pure, unadulterated, acid rain! The physichemical formula for rain is –
R = G*(H2O+CrAp) where G is the universal gravitational constant and CrAp is the non-universal chemical coefficient of the atmospherically absorbed solids.
Now, the (simplified) law of universal gravitation states that ‘every object in the universe attracts every other object with a force that is proportional to their mass and inversely proportional to the square of their separation’ or
Fg = G(m1.m2/r^2)
Now, please bear with me. On any given non-rainy day, things work as well as we can expect. People go about their business and the chaos theory is clearly evident and in action at all places at all times. However, add some Rain and things all go away. Pedestrians walk about with umbrellas so low they can’t see where they’re going, cyclist wear capes with hoods that preclude anything but straight ahead and down vision, street sweepers walk about in the middle of traffic swinging their brushes wearing the same capes and drivers try to drive faster, accelerate, brake and change lanes even more erratically than normal – if that is possible – and still seem to get nowhere fast. I’m-getting-to-where-I’m-going attitude is intensified and the general laws of physics and sensible behavior go out the window. So how can that be possible?
Well, the Sinocidal 4th law of chaos is, that when it rains, all the pollution is pushed lower to the ground causing a greater concentration of CrAp. This further reduces available oxygen levels and causes more drunk like behavior. At the same time, the greater mass of water in the air, combined with the concentrated crap, means that there are more objects with mass nearer to ground lever and as the gravitational influence of all these masses with CrAp affects each and every other mass then the normal and prevailing vertical gravitational affects are weakened and this in turn means less oxygen is available at these lower levels and compounds the drunk like behavior. In fact, chaos becomes more like a stag party with a few too many kegs, and now we’ve added a couple of cases of Tequila.
Because there’s less gravity, there’s less strain on the body, circulatory and respiratory systems and people get light headed. This, as you would expect, compounds even further the drunk like behavior and what we end up with is the equivalent of the stag party at 3am and heading to the red light area.
You see, life in China is like one big party and sometimes we have some really wild ones. Now, if only we had strippers then it’s a party I’d like to be invited to. Welcome to China where every day is a ‘Party’.